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  I thought that was strange. If one of my friends were coming over, they made sure to text me. Everyone else was businesspeople here to see Taylor and that happened very, very rarely. He also wouldn’t have anyone come over during his therapy appointments, they happened at the exact same time every week.

  I walked over to his security system, curious of course. My heart dropped seeing his mother standing expectantly at the door. She had no way of knowing when he went to therapy, which meant she was hoping to get here and confront him again.

  I considered ignoring her. Letting her stand out in the cold until she got the hint. However, I couldn’t risk Taylor coming home and her still standing there. Or make her think she could come back and try again. This woman wasn’t going to hurt him again.

  I marched over to the door ready for anything. I opened the door just enough for me to step outside. My grip stayed on the doorknob.

  “Leave.” I tried to put every ounce of hatred I had for this woman in my voice.

  “Excuse me, I’m going to see my son. You can’t stop me.” She smiled and kept her fake light tone, but it didn’t faze me.

  “Leave,” I repeated.

  “I just want to speak to him.” She put on a frown, her lip wobbling a little.

  “Leave before I call his private security to escort you out.” That was a huge lie, but I didn’t care.

  “You wouldn’t.” She dropped all of her acts.

  “I know you hurt him. If he wants to forgive you, I won’t stop him. But I never will.” A smile, that I knew looked evil, spread over my face. “Get out of here, you bitch.”

  She looked so affronted. Maybe no one had ever called her that to her face before. I was glad to be her first. It was also the first time I’d ever called someone that. She looked like she was deciding what to do, but finally turned around and returned to her car. I stood in the doorway watching her car back up out of the drive and off our property.

  It was a strange feeling. People were always calling me too nice for my own good throughout college. I let too many nasty people slide because I wanted to get to a good place in the fashion world and was afraid to make enemies. I knew Hana Hirano had money and some sway over his grandfather, but I didn’t care. It turned out I did have a line and she had crossed it. As long as I lived here, she wasn’t going to come into our home.

  Taylor arrived an hour and a half later and found me doing some small sketches on our kitchen counter.

  “How was therapy?” I asked when he came in.

  “Good. We had a lot to talk about.” He put a small bag in front of me.

  “What’s this?” Whatever it was, it smelled amazing.

  “A new bakery opened downtown, I got you a chocolate croissant.”

  “Aw, thanks.” I opened the bag and pulled the little treat out. Ever since our talk, instead of greeting me with kisses, he started bringing me small treats or giving me compliments. Occasionally, I would still get a kiss if it was a particularly good day. I hoped that with couple’s therapy we’d have more and more good days.

  Chapter 13: Lydia

  “Are you ready for therapy?” I said it enthusiastically, my voice crescending like I’d hear people hype up a football game. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, so I thought acting a little goofy might help get me in a better mood.

  I caught a small upturn of his lips. “I’ve been going for two years now. I never know until it’s done.”

  “Do you ever, I don’t know, finish therapy?” I asked, genuinely wondering but hoping I didn’t sound too ignorant.

  “You can,” he said. “If you’re showing steady signs of improvement and stay at a satisfactory base level for a while, you graduate. Therapy is for helping you, if it’s done helping, you’re done.”

  “That makes sense.”

  “Mrs. Tupp has said recently I’m close to graduating.”

  “That’s great news,” I said, my expression lighting up with excitement.

  “Yeah. She wants to see how I do with couples’ therapy. If after we figure that out, I’m still doing good, she thinks I’ll be done.”

  “Maybe Christmas can also secretly be a therapy graduation party,” I teased.

  “Even when I graduate, I won’t be able to keep the Tupps away. Mrs. Tupp loved the idea of the party. She’s bringing a casserole.”

  “That’s still two months away.”

  “She insisted.”

  We shared a small laugh. When I pictured married life when growing up, did I ever picture domesticity being anything like this? Casually talking about therapy over our morning coffee? Despite that, it all felt perfectly normal, as normal as I felt waking up and seeing Taylor’s face across from mine.

  “Let’s get going, we don’t want to be late.”

  At Mr. Tupp’s, a floor above his wife’s, we went from the waiting room to the office. The walls of his office were covered with several framed, completed puzzles on the wall. All of them were abstract art pieces. They must have taken hours to complete. How could someone sort through that kind of mess?

  We shook Mr. Tupp’s hand. He was a taller, round man with a carefully cared for mustache and a deep, almost bellowing voice, like you might think a mall Santa would have.

  “So, Taylor, Lydia, is it fine if I call you Lydia?” Mr. Tupp asked.

  “Of course.”

  “Thank you for coming here with your concerns. I hope I can help work them out with you.” He had a wide smile that made me feel safe here, even with my complete lack of knowledge of these kinds of things.

  “What are we going to do?” I asked.

  “I’m going to teach you some common ways of avoiding what triggers your,” he nodded at Taylor, “fears and trauma. I will also be teaching you strategies for making sure both of you are in the position to know when the other is really consenting, even when they seem to want to engage in sexual acts or even say that they do. When in doubt of course, don’t engage.”

  I nodded. That seemed like what we were already doing.

  “When your control is violated, it can be hard to set boundaries. I’m sure Taylor’s heard this a thousand times, but often convincing yourself you want to even when you don’t want to is a coping mechanism developed by the victim to make the abuse not seem as bad as it is. Abusers will often insist that the victim does want what is happening in order to shame them into not telling anyone and to guilt them into keeping it going.”

  That was a lot to hit me with all at once. I understood it all fine, but it didn’t make hearing it any easier. Mr. Tupp had a very understanding and relaxed tone, which helped. I could tell he wanted to help us. I just selfishly wished that Taylor never went through with what he did. That he never had to feel like that. But I knew there was no changing the past, I could only control now.

  “Taylor, can you tell Lydia what you’ve been struggling with in particular?” Mr. Tupp asked him.

  Taylor turned to me and sighed. “I’ve been assuming I know what you’re thinking, like that you wouldn’t like me because I couldn’t be intimate.”

  “But that’s not true.” I tilted my head wanting to reach out and comfort him somehow.

  “Those are intrusive thoughts Taylor. I think you need to work on, when you assume something about what Lydia is thinking, that you examine why you assume that. Then I want you to ask Lydia what she really feels,” Mr. Tupp instructed. I guess there was homework in therapy too.

  “Now let’s talk about intimacy.”

  ***

  We had been going to therapy for a few weeks. Christmas was a little over a month away. Taylor and I were having a movie night. We were slowly doing small intimate acts, escalating once we both felt comfortable. Last week we were leaning on each other during these movie nights and sleeping closer than ever before. We were daily holding hands and kissing hello and goodbye. There were still days when Taylor couldn’t bring himself to do much of anything. But we worked through those days. I knew Taylor wasn’t ever going to be “fixed”, even aft
er therapy. But he was getting better, and I could feel us getting even closer.

  The night before, we had spooned, his solid chest pressed against my back. While we watched the action flick we picked at random, I kept thinking back at the way his legs pressed against me, his heat melding with mine. His body closer than ever before.

  He reached down and pressed pause on the remote. I leaned up off of his shoulder a little with a questioning look on my face.

  He pushed some of my mussed hair back and stroked my ear with his thumb. “Do I ever say how beautiful you are?”

  “It was how you tried to convince me to be your wife.” I reminded him while I moved my body closer. I carefully placed my hand on his thigh, watching to see his reaction. He continued to play with the curls around my ear.

  “It worked, didn’t it? And I wasn’t lying or exaggerating. You.” He got his legs onto the couch and leaned forward which pushed my hand further up his thigh. “Are.” He pressed a soft kiss to my mouth. “Attractive.”

  He had to know he was driving me crazy. “You’re not so bad yourself.” While my one hand traced circles on his upper thigh, my other was finding the edge of his shirt and slipping under the hem. I explored the hard muscle beneath as he leaned forward for another, deeper kiss.

  We were almost on top of each other at this point. As we broke to breathe between kisses, I took in his scent. Freshly showered after his workout earlier, he smelled like mint and spices. I wanted to bury my nose in his hair. I decided, why not. I was basically straddling him and kissed up his neck to his ear, teasing with a quick hot breath.

  He made a low noise in his throat while I breathed in the concentrated smell. I slowly leaned back, letting him decide what to do next.

  “Let’s go to my room.” His tone was dark, and I could hear the lust in his voice.

  “Are you sure?” I said, almost breathless.

  He leaned over to my ear and in a husky voice said, “What if I told you, I wanted to?”

  I tapped his wrist as my silent reply.

  “Perfect.”

  I moved back off of him, ready to race him up the steps, but before I could get up, he picked me up, bridal style in his arms.

  “Is this good?” He asked, kissing at my neck making me giggle at the ticklish sensation.

  “Yes. Yes! Now go!” I cried through my helpless snorts.

  He effortlessly carried me up to his room. Three floors? Damn. I thought, admiring his thick arms, not for the first time.

  He dropped me onto his bed, our bed, causing both of us to laugh at how I bounced. He quickly got on the bed and crawled over me. He looked down on me with his arms extended on either side of my head. I got a good look at his brown eyes and how hungry they looked.

  “We are wearing too many clothes.” I smirked up at him.

  “I want to take my time, with our first.” He leaned down and bit at my neck. He kissed the spot then repeated it a little further down. I was thankful for my low-necked top.

  I was getting restless, so I decided to reach up and lay my palms at the top of his jeans. I slowly worked my hands down as he continued to kiss me. I stifled a gasp as I felt his erection through his jeans.

  “Not yet,” he whispered.

  “Why not?” I asked, mostly teasing. I wanted him now, but I couldn’t deny the wait was making me get wetter in anticipation.

  “Fine. Take off my shirt.”

  I wasted no time in getting that off of him. Now I could finally stare at what I had pressed my fingers in before, testing the firmness.

  “Me too.” I insisted.

  He kneeled down over me and sat on his heels. I helped him pull my shirt up and over my head and wiggled to help him pull off my bra.

  He smiled one of his genuine and pretty smiles and leaned his face over my chest. Slowly, he took one of my nipples into his mouth. They instantly harden at the hot air and attention. He licked a strip over it, and I moaned. He played with the other nipple with his thumb, occasionally pinching it, causing me to jump.

  I was needy, I used my hands to pull his attention back to me. With my hands in his hair, I kissed him hard, pushing my tongue in at the contact. He continued to play with my nipples, and I let soft gasp after gasp into his mouth as we kissed.

  “Please let me take off your pants,” I murmured against his mouth as I squirmed under his touch.

  “If that pleases you,” he murmured back against my lips.

  I pushed him up and back down moving him, so I was the one sitting on top. I made quick work of his belt and zipper. He helped me push them off of him. Next was his boxers which I made sure to get rid of just as quickly. Finally, I took in the sight of his long cock, hard for me. I leaned down and kissed the tip. I got the reaction from him that I wanted, his back arched slightly, and I heard more of those divine noises from his throat. I licked around the tip before taking it in my mouth slightly. I swirled my tongue around it before moving back off.

  “More…” he pleaded in a voice that made me shiver.

  “Now I’m taking things slow.” Part of my bravado was an act. If he wanted, he could take me now. I slipped off my pajama pants but left my panties on. I wanted him to take them off, preferably with his teeth.

  I leaned back down over his cock, taking it deeper into my mouth this time. I moved up and down, slowly, making sure to give each inch my attention.

  “Lydia,” he groaned.

  I smiled around his dick, proud of the noises I was pulling from him.

  “I’m going to come if you keep going,” he warned, his head thrust back in the pillows.

  I pulled my lips off of him with a pop. I crawled forward and looked expectantly down at him. “Take them off with your mouth.”

  He grinned and started to pull at the lace top of my panties with his teeth. He got them down over my hips and I shook them off the rest of the way. Once my folds were free, he lifted his face and stuck his tongue between them. His fingers were pressed firmly in my hips, holding me steady as I ached to move with him. He licked my clit and I gasped, “Taylor!”

  Encouraged, he kept teasing at my sensitive spot until I knew I was close. He sped up his pace and I felt my orgasm build. I was shaking as he thrust his tongue in and out of my folds. With one last swirl around my clit I was coming, riding his tongue through it. I shut my eyes and felt heat rush through my body. Stars burst behind my closed eyes. I opened them as I slowly came down from the high. Taylor smiled up at me. I let him flip me over, my limbs feeling blissfully heavy.

  He sat over me again and lined up his cock with my entrance. We’d talked about birth control already, so I was ready to take his length. He slowly eased in the tip causing me to release a whimper. I felt myself stretch around him as he pushed further and further in. Once he was inside, he moved out, and in one motion, thrust back in, hitting some spot inside that made my arousal begin to build again.

  “You’re perfect.” Taylor groaned out as he thrust deep over and over.

  “Come here,” I demanded, lust making me want more than ever.

  He continued to thrust as we both leaned in for a passionate kiss. I felt every nerve alight with every sensation hitting me. It was like Taylor was touching every part of me, inside and out.

  “Come for me,” I whispered to him, loving the way he filled me.

  “I will,” he groaned. His pace grew quicker, and I felt my next orgasm also building as his length kept sliding in and out. Finally, with the loudest groan yet, he came, and I felt the warmth fill me as he panted, sweat glistening on his chest. He glanced at me. He had to know how hot I was feeling. He had to know I needed more. He reached down and began playing with my clit with his fingers as he claimed my mouth again and then I felt my orgasm burst through me, his cock still inside me. I rode out the feeling, my hands twisting in his hair. My high-pitched whines tearing through the room. Eventually it calmed and left me tingling but satisfied.

  He slowly removed himself and laid down beside me in the bed.


  “That was the best sex I’ve ever had.” I admitted once I caught my breath.

  “You’re not just saying that?”

  “No way. You are just,” my brain was fried, “you’re just good.”

  We got cleaned up and got back in bed, not bothering to replace our clothes. He got behind me and put his arms around me, his arms stroking my belly slightly and his breath playing with my hair.

  I put my arms around his and closed my eyes. I had just been fucked by Taylor Hirano. I never would have thought I would be saying that in this lifetime.

  “Do you feel good?” I asked.

  He whispered in my ear, “I always feel good when I’m with you.”

  Chapter 14: Taylor

  “I have something for you.” Lydia said instead of good morning once I opened my eyes and yawned, waking in an embrace, her head tucked under my chin. We fit together perfectly.

  “What is it?” I asked, my voice still thick from sleep.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “Then why did you tell me about it?”

  I felt her shrug. “I want to tell you what it is really bad.”

  “Then just do it.”

  She pushed back from me and looked at me like I had grown another head. “That’s not any fun. I want to see your face when you see it for the first time. I told you, it’s a surprise.”

  “I don’t see what the big deal is with presents. Feels like a waste of paper.” I knew I was being unreasonable. I was well off, so I never wanted much. But even so I never got gifts. I had to get what I wanted myself. No one ever thought about what I might like or get me something because they thought of me when they saw it. Except for the Tupps. Except for Lydia.

  “I won’t wrap it. It’s not that kind of gift.” She snuggled closer but kept our faces level.

  “It’s not a dog is it?”

  “Where would I be hiding a dog?” She grinned.

  “I can already think of ten places. You’re clever.” I placed a kiss on her nose which made her giggle. She was so pliable in the mornings, and giggly.